Here I try to aggregate some of the best jokes I have heard. Please bear in mind none of these jokes are original.
1. A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout, and sits down to wait
for his food.
While he waits, he grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter,
and as he starts to chew, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is
that silk? Very NICE choice!"
Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone
nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more
peanuts into his mouth.
Next he hears the voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they
Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"
He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously
around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the
stool.
A little freaked out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the
voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very
nice!"
He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these
voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look - what's up
with that? Am I GOING CRAZY??"
"Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies. "It's just the peanuts."
"The PEANUTS?!?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.
"Yes," replies the waiter, "…they're complimentary."
2. A old couple who have lived a married life for over 50 years always went by one motto:- "Share everything and consider each other equal".
On their 50th marriage anniversary, they decide to go to a nearby hotel for dinner.
There they order food but as usual with only one plate; as they have been doing all their married life. But strangely, while the husband starts eating the wife doesn't eat anything. After 10 mins, the manager goes and asks politely "Ma'm, why aren't you eating? You always share everything"
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She replies "I'm waiting for the teeth!!!!"
3. Q: What happens when your female sibling swallows a roll of Kodak?
A: Photos-in-the-sis
4. bruce lee was a great man... a really great man...
but once his married sister gave birth to a kid, he became an ordinary man....
coz now he had become mamu lee....
5. how do CAT aspirants sing a song after a paper which had lots and lots of geometry???
apun bola
wo parabola
wo boli
mein hyperbola
apun jab bhi circle bolta hai
usko ellipse kay koo lagta hai yaar?
ye uska plane hoinga.... man mein uske ek sphere hoinga!!!
6. once santa and banta were feeling happy...
happy got disgusted and left
7. 2 sardar bank lootne gaye par bandook le jaana bhul gaye phir bhi bank loot liya. Kaise???
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Bank manager bhi sardar hi tha. Usne bola "Oye, Koi gal nahi. Gun kal dikha dena!!"
8. Santa: People consider me as a GOD.
Banta: How do you know??
Santa: Whenever I go to any place, people say "Hey bhagwan tu fir aa gaya"
9. James Bond goes to the local Paanwala.
Panwari: 12.5 rupaiya hua sahib
bond gives him 10 bucks and tries to leave
Panwari: oye baaki paisa kaun dega??
Bond : Dhai another day!!!
10. Teacher:Name 5 ferocious animals.
Student: 2 lions and 3 tigers
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